I fell in to a burning ring of fire

That is all.

age is but only a number, love is but only a game

It's been awhile hasn't it? I forgot about this is all.  Then tonight I remembered!  I think it might be because the wifis are floating around in the air here and this particular page must've smacked me upside the head.  Or downside the head, I wasn't really paying attention.  Damn wifis.

But here I am. A day late and a dollar short.  Sometimes I don't know how to use cliches (correctly).  You know which one I like to use often? Have not want not.  What does that even mean? 

I learned a new word tonight, ersatz. It was used in the context of smoking being an ersatz activity.  Do you know what that means? LOOK IT UP, obviously you're online.  Or just wait for the ersatz wifis to run through you. 

janet jackson

"What's your name?"

"Sandra, better known as Janet Jackson"

My "pregnant" patient is long gone but we have a new woman whose delusions are....top notch.  She's been in the hospital now for almost 2 weeks, which is only the latest of many many psychiatric hospitalizations.  Meeting her you might not suspect anything at first, she's (mostly) friendly, talks a lot and seems fairly happy.  It's when you start actually listening to all the BS that she's saying that you realize something's off.

She is, for all intents and purposes, Janet Jackson.  She has an album coming out "later in the summer".  She's currently dating Tupac himself (for a few days she temporarily thought I had stolen her bf Tupac from her, but seems to have gotten over that).  Additionally, she performed with Ludacris in Greensboro, her sister is Vivica A Fox, she met Alicia Keys at Holly Hill Hospital (another psych hospital in Raleigh)...oh yeah, and she also used to be Chilli from TLC, but that was back when she had "golden hair".  And to top it all off, she does not sleep - literally only 2-3 hours a night if we're lucky.

And what do we do about it?  A whole lot of nothing it seems.  Medication medication medication....but that's not going to get rid of these delusions.  It just makes her "pleasantly delusional" (my favorite term used to describe some of the patients here) so that she can be discharged.  But, like Miss Pregnant-with-Twins, Janet Jackson will return to us.  Again and again and again....

Obviously we're not succeeding in "helping" her, are we?
Or maybe we simply...can't.

life in the fast lane, surely make you lose your mind

I've found a practical use for my psychology degree and am now employed in a field that I've wanted to get into since I first declared psych as my major.  It took some time, a lot of bullshit, and moving across the country but things have worked out.  Things always have a way of working out.

Most interesting patient encountered so far: 32 year old woman fully convinced she's 6 months pregnant with twins.  Despite any physical signs of pregnancy and multiple negative pregnancy tests, she is still 100% convinced of this "fact".  And not only does she believe she's pregnant, but she obsesses about it.  It's all she'll talk about.  She was discharged last week, but I have a feeling this woman will be back.

They all come back.

I don't like that my mother texts.

cliche happy

Sometimes I'll try to "turn over a new leaf".
I think I want to be a certain person, do things a certain way, have certain thoughts, beliefs, ideas.
I think about this new leaf, analyze it and figure out how best to go about getting "it".
I think I can change my entire perception of the world simply by telling myself otherwise.
And you know what inevitably becomes of this?
A realization that, well, a zebra can't change it's stripes.
That I am who/what/how/why/when/where I am.
That 23 years of xina is impossible to change.

So you know what? Fuck you and deal with it.

scary lady drug dealer with thugs

It snowed Friday night....maybe 4 inches or so and the entire town has been shut down all weekend.  Stores, restaurants....everything pretty much was closed on Saturday.   The news has been nonstop coverage of the "winter storm" and "weather alerts" and warnings to stay off the roads....now it is monday and the town is still closed.   Things are slowly reopening, but "being scared to drive" is a valid excuse to not go anywhere or do anything.

If only it worked like this everywhere, it snows and everything shuts down for days.

For my own future reference: icy snow + cheap whiskey + steep hill that ends in a parking lot (with parked cars) + skateboard with no wheels = really bad idea

frank farrelly, screw you

I had an idea at one point in time.  I had this grand plan for 'therapizing' the population. I knew what would work and was putting it into action with each new person I met.  Throughout college, particularly my final year, I applied my ideas and made note of my "results". 

Then it was brought to my attention that this is not, in fact, my idea.   This is the idea of Frank Farrelly and it's called Provocative Therapy.

Now I've finally read through the book and I'm just PISSED OFF that he stole my idea.  Of course, the book was written way before I was even born....so I guess *technically* I was the thief.   But i had the ideas, and hypotheses, and experiments far before I even heard of Mr Farrelly's theories. 

Maybe Frank and I should just partner up.  Take on the world.

Hmm....now that's an option.....

What is provocative therapy?

but it's funny!

Why be negative, when there are just as many reasons to be positive?  Why have a pessimistic view of life, when it's just as easy to be optimistic?  Why feel like the world is out to get me, when really I could be out to get the world?

The world is my oyster, and you my pearl.

every degrassi episode ever marathon

I made some new year's resolutions for the new decade.

*Call people instead of texting them to see if it drastically changes my life.

*Work on controlling my facial expressions.

I think that's it.

And by the way, I don't have TB.

shakalaka

desktop

My desktop wallpaper changes every day, randomly cycling through my pictures  so every now and then I'll get a picture that's just kinda funny. 

Like today, every time I open my laptop I see michelle's face.

interesting

http://s.buzzfeed.com/static/imagebuzz/2008/7/30/11/3414e48eaba361eb159d4f9b0e8727b5.jpg

googly

Top 2009 Internet Searches

5. Britney Spears
4. Megan Fox
3. WWE Wrestling
2. Twilight
1. Michael Jackson

time vs. money

What causes people more stress, lack of time or money?  Ask anyone this question and most likely the response will be money - and everyone has their reasons for instantly thinking money:  if you have money, time isn't an issue...we don't have enough time because we need money....lack of money is just stressful!

And it does make sense.  As much as some may want to deny it, money is just....necessary.  But after thinking more about this I've concluded that it's not in fact a lack of money that stresses people out, it's a lack of time.  Time in a "small-picture" sense, like I need to do laundry but I don't have time to get it done before I have to work tomorrow.  But also time just in general...the finite-ness of life.  You'll never have enough time.  Doesn't matter how much money you have, time will always be limited.

I have so many more reasons for this that I just can't put into words.  But think about it.  It makes a lot of sense.

you never know what you're gonna get

"Life, it's like a box of chocolates. Cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you ever get back is another box of chocolates. So you are stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly gulp down till there is nothing else left to eat. Sure, once a while, there is a peanutbutter cup, English toffee, but they are gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts. If you are desperate enough to eat those, all you have got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."

sagging skinny tight baggy jeans....what?

I don't get it.  I saw a boy walking down the median of the road sporting this bizarre contradicting style.  Sagging skinny jeans.  I missed the green arrow because I was too busy staring at this boy wondering why he thought this style worked.

When trying to find an image that would convey this bizarre style, I realized that evidently it is an emerging trend supported by, who else, Lil Wayne.




Go figure.

how-to

My how-to of the day is How to build a lean to using two trees and i was thinking that seems incredibly irrelevant to my life and then I though that if I'm ever on survivor, this would be a really useful thing to know.  So I read it.

I wonder if I'll ever need to know this.

Rather....I wonder if I'll ever be in a situation where knowing this information would be really useful but I can't remember anything.  Just that I once read about it.

sleepy mcsleeperton

You know something's screwed up when you need to set an alarm to make sure you're up by 1:30 (in the afternoon.....)

Swine Flu day 4

I've been hacking up a lung, suffocating because I can't breathe, unusually quiet since talking hurts, sneezing like I'm in training to be the Ultimate Sneezer, and personally supporting the tissue industry.  You know what that means?  Yes, swine flu.  It has to be.  There's no other possible sickness to have anymore, H1N1 has beaten down all the other viruses/bacteria and claimed humans for itself.  And swine too.  Same difference? Ha! (insert punchline drum roll).  The incredibly frustrating part is that I rarely get sick, much less the "sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head" kind....even less often the kind that lasts longer than a day or two.  


I've been asked if I feel any better and, well, if you know about swine flu you know there is no better.  It just gets worse and worse.  Then you die.  I'm preparing for my death.  Each day I add a new symptom, while the old ones remain.  


All I'm lacking is a fever & SICKNESS (i.e. nausea).  Then I would definitely be on my death bed.

Dick:  Christina, we need to have a talk
Xina:  About what?
Dick:  It doesn't seem like it's working out for you here....you don't seem happy
Xina: (look that implies, really? no shit, you're just now realizing this?)
Dick:  So how can we fix it?
Xina:  We can't. I hate this job, it can't be fixed.  I quit.
Dick:  Well you know, I'm usually a pretty good judge of character, and some people just can't handle it....maybe you'd do better someplace more structured.  Maybe a 9-5 job, until you get married and have kids.
Xina: (at this point it's all I can do not to just....slap him.  But my mother taught me not to burn my bridges so I just smile tensely and leave)

And that is how I quit my job.