I fell in to a burning ring of fire

That is all.

age is but only a number, love is but only a game

It's been awhile hasn't it? I forgot about this is all.  Then tonight I remembered!  I think it might be because the wifis are floating around in the air here and this particular page must've smacked me upside the head.  Or downside the head, I wasn't really paying attention.  Damn wifis.

But here I am. A day late and a dollar short.  Sometimes I don't know how to use cliches (correctly).  You know which one I like to use often? Have not want not.  What does that even mean? 

I learned a new word tonight, ersatz. It was used in the context of smoking being an ersatz activity.  Do you know what that means? LOOK IT UP, obviously you're online.  Or just wait for the ersatz wifis to run through you. 

janet jackson

"What's your name?"

"Sandra, better known as Janet Jackson"

My "pregnant" patient is long gone but we have a new woman whose delusions are....top notch.  She's been in the hospital now for almost 2 weeks, which is only the latest of many many psychiatric hospitalizations.  Meeting her you might not suspect anything at first, she's (mostly) friendly, talks a lot and seems fairly happy.  It's when you start actually listening to all the BS that she's saying that you realize something's off.

She is, for all intents and purposes, Janet Jackson.  She has an album coming out "later in the summer".  She's currently dating Tupac himself (for a few days she temporarily thought I had stolen her bf Tupac from her, but seems to have gotten over that).  Additionally, she performed with Ludacris in Greensboro, her sister is Vivica A Fox, she met Alicia Keys at Holly Hill Hospital (another psych hospital in Raleigh)...oh yeah, and she also used to be Chilli from TLC, but that was back when she had "golden hair".  And to top it all off, she does not sleep - literally only 2-3 hours a night if we're lucky.

And what do we do about it?  A whole lot of nothing it seems.  Medication medication medication....but that's not going to get rid of these delusions.  It just makes her "pleasantly delusional" (my favorite term used to describe some of the patients here) so that she can be discharged.  But, like Miss Pregnant-with-Twins, Janet Jackson will return to us.  Again and again and again....

Obviously we're not succeeding in "helping" her, are we?
Or maybe we simply...can't.

life in the fast lane, surely make you lose your mind

I've found a practical use for my psychology degree and am now employed in a field that I've wanted to get into since I first declared psych as my major.  It took some time, a lot of bullshit, and moving across the country but things have worked out.  Things always have a way of working out.

Most interesting patient encountered so far: 32 year old woman fully convinced she's 6 months pregnant with twins.  Despite any physical signs of pregnancy and multiple negative pregnancy tests, she is still 100% convinced of this "fact".  And not only does she believe she's pregnant, but she obsesses about it.  It's all she'll talk about.  She was discharged last week, but I have a feeling this woman will be back.

They all come back.

I don't like that my mother texts.

cliche happy

Sometimes I'll try to "turn over a new leaf".
I think I want to be a certain person, do things a certain way, have certain thoughts, beliefs, ideas.
I think about this new leaf, analyze it and figure out how best to go about getting "it".
I think I can change my entire perception of the world simply by telling myself otherwise.
And you know what inevitably becomes of this?
A realization that, well, a zebra can't change it's stripes.
That I am who/what/how/why/when/where I am.
That 23 years of xina is impossible to change.

So you know what? Fuck you and deal with it.

scary lady drug dealer with thugs

It snowed Friday night....maybe 4 inches or so and the entire town has been shut down all weekend.  Stores, restaurants....everything pretty much was closed on Saturday.   The news has been nonstop coverage of the "winter storm" and "weather alerts" and warnings to stay off the roads....now it is monday and the town is still closed.   Things are slowly reopening, but "being scared to drive" is a valid excuse to not go anywhere or do anything.

If only it worked like this everywhere, it snows and everything shuts down for days.

For my own future reference: icy snow + cheap whiskey + steep hill that ends in a parking lot (with parked cars) + skateboard with no wheels = really bad idea